By Bill Spelts
My father Bill Spelts has a unique mind. My entire life he has said and come up with the most random and fascinating things. Some of which he collected from others but some he just randomly thinks of in his strange unique mind. Here are a few Billisms that I thought some of you might enjoy.
HEADLINES GONE WRONG
(Taken from recent newspapers)
- Cold Wave Linked to Lower Temperatures
- Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash Expert Says
- Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
- Miners Refuse to Work After Death
- Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
- Recent War Dims Hopes for Peace
- If Strike is Not Quickly Settled, It May Last for a While
- Golfer Struck by Lightning Faces Charges
- Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas Smell in Space Station
- Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
- Hospital Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
- Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Many Dead
- Red Tape Holds up Two New Bridges
JUST THE BEAR FACTS
The British Columbia Fish & Wildlife Branch is advising hikers, hunters and fishermen and any persons who venture into the outdoors to take extra precautions regarding bears while in the wilderness. They advise that you consider wearing little noisy bells on your clothing so as to give advance warning to any bears that might be close by so you don’t take them by surprise. They also advise carrying “pepper Spray” bear repellant with you in case of an encounter with a bear. You should also be able to tell the difference between areas where black bears live vs. those areas where grizzly bears roam. Black bear feces is smaller and contains lots of berries and squirrel fur. Grizzly bear feces has little bells in it and smells like pepper.
POST TORTOISES
Why are most current Washington politicians like Post Tortoises?
What is a POST TORTOISE you ask?
Well, if you are ever driving down a country road and see a tortoise balanced on top of a tall fence post you immediately know several things.
- You know he did not get up there by himself.
- He doesn’t belong up there.
- He doesn’t know what to do, now that he is up there.
- He is elevated way beyond his ability to function effectively.
- You have to wonder what kind of idiot put him up there in the first place.
Our World in 2022
Our Phones – Wireless
Our Chargers – Wireless
Our Cooking – Flameless
Our Cars – Keyless
Our Food – Fatless
Our Tires – Tubeless
Our Youth – Jobless
Our Leaders – Shameless
Our Social Relationships – Meaningless
Our Attitudes – Careless
Our Babies – Fatherless
Our Children – Mannerless
Our Politicians – Worthless